writing from last year. maybe february. pic from 2008 in the fall.
i have heard that dreams are our manifestations of desires and fears.
i had a scary dream last night.
by some definitions it could be called a nightmare.
so from what i can remember:
i am suddenly reading a flurry of text messages saying i’m sorry…
i can’t see you ____day, the next day, or the day after… for some reason or another.
but the person i am reading the message from is the person sitting just across the room from me.
this person is the person i like.
our surroundings suggest we live in the same room together.
they are showing me a formal family photo from some recent event.
they are explaining the photo to me but i know for a fact (lol, wtf right?)
that what they are saying does not logically make sense-
in other words, they are lying to me and do not realize i can understand them.
the next thing i know is that i am staring at their face
they tell me exactly, “my lover told me they had another lover…”
i really don’t understand.
but i feel my heart sinking.
i want to listen to their story really all of that ceases to matter.
if they can never love me then why should i care anymore?
they continue, “i was so afraid but then they told me it was just a joke.”
i feel some dull ache come over my body.
the pain is coming from my heart.
i wake up.
i am panting, my heart is throbbing, and i’m hot and sweaty.
i say, “oh my god- was that really a dream? that seemed all too real.”
so do i fear the person i like?
or do i fear that the person i like has a lover whom they fear?
[or just do i fear that the person i like doesn't like me?]
i don’t know.
but perhaps this dream was a perfect manifestation of my emotional state.
i should say that i no longer like the person from my dream.
i guess i’m fascinated by the meaning of dreams. but i remember feeling so confused by this dream.
now i understand a bit better but…
it is strange to see emotions acted out in dreams.
i’ve been reading a lot these days and maybe later… i’ll post some work on a personal project
