mindcandy

photo from 2010 summer. words from a month or so ago.

not so cohesive

not like adhesive

all the words that

come to mind are fragments of lines

about fragments in time

wanting to be sublime

but even then they are not mine

they are yours

when you said what you said about why

whores have mores

and why we’re still believing in folklore

that says smoke more

sometimes i be a running

a thousand miles per hour

a thousand miles away

in a day and return

only to wish upon a rhyme

that yours and mine

might someday escape

to a faraway nearby place

but not so easy

not like the breeze

for your imagination

found and edited a picture from my time in london. wrote the words below, when i was bored in class last wednesday.

draw me through a straw

like something raw

reborn in the morning

fresh out of mourning

longing for belonging

for just a little longer

a dream

writing from last year. maybe february. pic from 2008 in the fall.

i have heard that dreams are our manifestations of desires and fears.

i had a scary dream last night.

by some definitions it could be called a nightmare.

so from what i can remember:

i am suddenly reading a flurry of text messages saying i’m sorry…

i can’t see you ____day, the next day, or the day after… for some reason or another.

but the person i am reading the message from is the person sitting just across the room from me.

this person is the person i like.

our surroundings suggest we live in the same room together.

they are showing me a formal family photo from some recent event.

they are explaining the photo to me but i know for a fact (lol, wtf right?)

that what they are saying does not logically make sense-

in other words, they are lying to me and do not realize i can understand them.

the next thing i know is that i am staring at their face

they tell me exactly, “my lover told me they had another lover…”

i really don’t understand.

but i feel my heart sinking.

i want to listen to their story really all of that ceases to matter.

if they can never love me then why should i care anymore?

they continue, “i was so afraid but then they told me it was just a joke.”

i feel some dull ache come over my body.

the pain is coming from my heart.

i wake up.

i am panting, my heart is throbbing, and i’m hot and sweaty.

i say, “oh my god- was that really a dream? that seemed all too real.”

so do i fear the person i like?

or do i fear that the person i like has a lover whom they fear?

[or just do i fear that the person i like doesn't like me?]

i don’t know.

but perhaps this dream was a perfect manifestation of my emotional state.

i should say that i no longer like the person from my dream.

i guess i’m fascinated by the meaning of dreams. but i remember feeling so confused by this dream.

now i understand a bit better but…

it is strange to see emotions acted out in dreams.

i’ve been reading a lot these days and maybe later… i’ll post some work on a personal project